John Law’s review of Jessica Simpson’s performance at the Avalon Ballroom in Ontario,Canada on Wednesday:

“Simpson needs to explain in exhausting detail what every single song is about, and the endless banter kills any momentum. She’s still living in a reality show, convinced everyone is so fascinated with her personal life, they’d rather hear her talk than sing.”

He went on to describe how Jessica said she was pregnant with an alien and that she also had a message from God about one of her songs. She talked about Tony Romo and slammed Nick Lachey for being a “cheater.”

Jessica even admitted she has a farting problem:

“I do pass gas a lot. I guarantee it smells like roses.”

What is wrong with her? The girl’s gone country.  She farts, she burps, she drinks beer, she talks way too much, and she seems to enjoy wearing gingham way too much.  Every time I see a picture of her rocking gingham fashion it makes me think that she has taken another tablecloth out of her linen closet and sewn herself a new outfit.  Yee haw!